


Bloody Virgins

by WritingIllusions (orphan_account)



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Drabble, I was bored at work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 05:50:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7156124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/WritingIllusions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Inquisitor must make a choice: Power, Riches, or Virgins. Her crew chimes in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bloody Virgins

“Virgins. Go with the _virgins_.” Dorian emphasized the word, practically salivating at the thought. He turned to the demon, clarifying what exactly this reward entailed. “This includes virgins from both sexes, right?”

“I expected better from you, Sparkler.” Varric cut in, shaking his head in disappointment. “Everyone knows gold is the clear choice here. Riches can buy you virgins, among other things.”

“Don't be ridiculous, darling. Power triumphs all, it begets riches which in turn buys you virgins,” Vivienne chimed. 

“Hmm, you have a point, Iron Lady,” the dwarf pondered, stroking his chin. “What do you think, Chuckles? Any preference to the three options? You strike me as someone who would choose power. The quiet ones usually do,” he trailed, adding something along the lines of their fellow Enchanter not fitting that mold since she was anything but quiet. 

“Perhaps that question is best suited for the Iron Bull,” he replied nonchalantly. 

Bull groaned, not pleased with having his name thrown into this debate. “Why is that, Solas? Because I'm from the Qun? You think us all obsessed and salivating at the dangle of power?”

Ellana pinched the bridge of her nose, raking her mind, trying to recall why the hell she decided to bring half her Inner Circle with her. Three of them was enough on most days. What in the name of all that is holy possessed her to bring along more headaches?

Solas shrugged. “I said no such thing.”

“Of course, you merely implied it. I say we kill it. It's never a good idea to bargain with demons,” Bull finished, turning his attention to the source of this debate.

“Spirit,” Imshael corrected, “I prefer Spirit.”

“My statement still stands,” Dorian declared proudly. “Do you know how hard virgins are to come by these days?” 

“What's so great about virgins, anyway, Sparkler? They don't know what they are doing. Wouldn't someone more experienced be better? Someone like the Iron Bull, maybe?” Varric chuckled, eliciting a blush from the Tevinter Mage and a hearty laugh from the Qunari Battlemaster.

“Experience alone does not a good lover make, Child of the Stone.”

‘Oh no,’ Ellana thought with a weary sigh, ‘not you too, Solas.’

“Quite right. For once we actually agree on something, darling.” 

“Quick, mark the occasion,” Dorian feigned a shocked gasp, “we must celebrate. _With virgins,_ preferably.” The grin on his face was so wide, it was a surprise his cheeks didn't burst.

“Pray tell, Chuckles, what does make a lover **good** in your opinion?” He snickered as a deliciously evil remark came to mind, his lips voicing it before he even completed the thought. “Or should I ask the Inquisitor this one, since she's on the receiving end and all?”

Ellana blushed. Solas cleared his throat. Imshael tapped his foot impatiently, waiting on the Inquisitor’s response. “Well? I don't have all day, you know.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Ellana could see Solas open his mouth, a response hot on his tongue. He abruptly shut it when Ellana cut him off, finally coming to a decision, one that surprised everyone. “Maker’s balls, give me the bloody virgins and be done with it.” 

“ ‘Atta girl,” Dorian praised, pleased with himself and his friend's choice in reward. If nothing else, at least the soldiers could have some entertainment.

**Author's Note:**

> Created on a whim out of boredom. ^.^ Mindless drabble.


End file.
